For now, please appreciate Lucy.
 Everyone appreciates the Apollo for being very nice :) |
< Subsystem > was my first self-exploratory art piece created after being diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder following the death of my psychiatric service dog in 2022.
My sense of self has always been incredibly confusing and rife with difficulty.
In childhood I was never allowed to be my own person, existing more as an object to be manipulated.
My only escape until much later was exclusively through fantastical worlds and imagination.
The diagnosis makes so much sense, but I was in denial for a while and have yet to truly feel comfortable enough to talk to most people about it including my doctor.
There is an incredible amount of stigma around the disorder and I am already very secretive and anxious about who and what I share with the larger world.
This piece is my first step into going public about this aspect of who I am.
Learning to unmask my neurodivergence has made me realize that I shouldn't be hiding parts of myself. Spending time with my boyfriend Riley made me feel safe enough to exist as I am with no masking whatsoever. It's a wonderful feeling even if you need to be brave.
< Subsystem > is far from what I initially envisioned it to be. Many unreached stretch goals and rushed or poorly executed techniques that in hindsight I could have done differently.
This was because I was afraid that Riley wasn't going to be able to stay in Canada so I went to stay with him and so had less time to work on it than I initially planned.
I am pleased to assure you that he has since retained residency for another year! But living under borders and colonialism is incredibly demoralizing and un-human. I dream of the day we can fully live together.
With < Subsystem > I wanted every aspect of myself to be able to freely contribute to the creative process whenever the desire arose.
As you may imagine this proved to be an extremely hectic and disorganized jumble of bits and pieces. But hey, that's me!
By taking the time to read this page, you are getting a special insight into < Subsystem > that I can only deliver to you in this way, so thank you.